I'm getting so many emails from people who are dating a widow/widower and aren't sure what to do.So since many of them popped in here first to find out more, I thought I'd post some "rules" if you will to help you through the process.1. One person said that a widower lost his wife 2 months ago but seems interested in her now.Yes, that's possible, but remember that grief is a rollercoaster ride and can last quite a while.
What you might see as attraction may just be his way of having some companionship and he may not be ready to move further.2. Okay, maybe I'm old fashioned but when I get emails that talk about a long-term relationship and getting serious before basic dating has even begun, well I wonder about the person's intentions. The widow/widower is going through a rough time and jumping 10 steps ahead isn't going to help either one of you.3. This is such a popular topic that I have to talk about it.
I received one email recently that it 'bothered' the person that widower had a picture of his late wife in his house.
Remember, that we didn't get divorced and we don't hate our late husbands/wives.
There's nothing wrong with having a picture or some pictures around the house.
I've always felt that asking someone to remove them is rude and disrespectful, especially if the person has children.
I would never take down a picture of me, Jeff and the kids.
If I get remarried one day, that pic will be added into our collection, but Jeff was their father and his picture isn't going anywhere.4. One person wrote and said that "every once in a while" he mentions 'her'. Maybe being in Italy with you reminded him of something funny that they did together.
He has a history with her and it's a good one, but remember She's not coming back and in time those memories will begin to fade a little and be replaced with stories of you.
On the other hand, if you find the widow/widower is constantly talking about their late spouse, then he/she may not be ready to date and you may just want to consider a friendship.
My dad died when I was young and my stepfather never told my mom to not talk about him, visit the cemetery or take pictures down. He understood the situation and realized that my dad wasn't going to come back into the picture.5. If children are involved, they may still be grieving and even though their mom/dad has a new boyfriend/girlfriend doesn't mean that the children are going to be so accepting. It's an adjustment for the children and it needs to be respected.
There may be a day that seeing you with their mom/dad might be hard on them and they react.