(Life Wire) -- After his 10-year marriage ended in 2004, New Yorker Phil Lee, 42, found himself tagged with the modern-day scarlet letter: "D" -- divorced.
Dating my ex wife after divorce
A Dutch study this year showed that reduces one's chances of having a new, successful relationship -- slightly more for women than for men. It's no wonder newly dating divorcees may be hesitant to mention the details.
"Many people hide these truths because they don't want to scare off a potential date, but hiding such information will make your date feel tricked," says Christie Hartman, a Denver psychologist and author of "Dating the Divorced Man: Sort Through the Baggage to Decide If He's Right for You." Here's how to reveal your previous marriage to your potential future spouse.
Broaching the subject When is it time to delve into the facts of your past? She advises: • If you are going through a divorce, tell the person you are dating pronto.
Don't beat around the bush, and don't say you are already divorced if you are still in the process of it, as did one man Hartman dated.
"I suspected that this man wasn't over his marriage, which made sense -- after all, he wasn't even divorced yet," she says.
• More personal information, such as why the marriage failed and the nature of your relationship with your ex, should be saved for a later date when the two of you are more comfortable with each other.As Hartman puts it, "Your date wants to know about you, not your former marriage." • Don't go into too much detail.Focus on what you learned and how it made you a better person."This decreases the chances of overwhelming your partner," she says.• Be neutral when speaking about your past partner.If you criticize your ex, you risk sounding petty and emotionally involved.