More from Your Tango: Survey Reveals Real Reason Couples Get Divorced Would You Rather Your Husband Cheat on You or Fall Out of Love?I wrote this a couple years ago while reflecting on my own first post-divorce breakup. After reading that post, a never-married friend emailed me and said she disagree with my premise that the recently divorced are not ready for a serious romance. And, if you’re like me, you consciously appreciate those mutual feelings so very much more — which only adds to the scythe bludgeoning once it falls.It continues to be one of the most-trafficked posts on this whole blog, more than two years later. After all, she argued, her boyfriend of six months had just gotten out of a long-term relationship when she met him. I felt a surge of defensiveness at her equating a divorce with a boyfriend-girlfriend breakup. Well, from this brilliant realization: Divorce often robs us of the opportunity to mourn the romantic relationship itself because there is so much practical and logistical hell to contend with at the time of the split: Managing your children’s care and feelings.
Please share this with others who may benefit — and share your own experience in the comments. Related posts: Post-divorce rebound: A requisite heart pummeling Healing from divorce takes the long and winding road xo, Emma Oh man, did mine hurt. Though, as I explored in this post, it was a necessary part of the healing process of my divorce.
Worry your children will be forever neurotic/hateful of you/incapable of love. It was likely missing for a very long time — which is exactly why it is so intoxicating when we find that connection again in a rebound.
By the time the four-way lawyers meetings start, you’ve forgotten about the emotional, intellectual and sexual connection you once shared with that man.
So, your divorce is final, and the realization of your newfound freedom came rushing up on you like a locomotive. But once you've settled into your new status as a single woman, the next question isn't easy, either. Family and friends, especially children, can be critical of and hurt by your decision to date sooner than when they are ready.
Even if your relationship with your ex was off-key for years, you may be worried that eyebrows will wag if you start making music with another guy too soon after the ink dries on those divorce papers.
To put it bluntly, if you are depending on others to give you the go-ahead, you may never get back in the dating game! Family outings and introductions might not be the best approach at first if your relatives are going to glare a hole into his forehead.
Do tread carefully on their feelings, but firmly remind your well-meaning friends and family members that you are in control of your own love life. It's easier to enjoy dating if you can create a general idea of your dream man. If you live in a place where "everybody knows your name," don’t worry. If your return to dating feels uncomfortable, don't ignore it!
Once that's established, here are a few tips for getting your feet wet amid hostile stares. Have fun with it: Find new places to create memories with your beau! I've been guilty of doing things just to prove a point to people who've made me mad.
But if you get that feeling in your gut that makes you uneasy, listen to it!
The most important thing is for you to be ready once you step back into the dating scene.
That way, your confidence will be unmistakable and no one — not even your family — will be able to begrudge you the happiness you deserve.