But, as we go through the crisis there comes a time when we have to decide to either leave the relationship or give the Sex Addict a second chance.
This painful rupture of trust in many cases proves too much to get past.
But in others, the partners, when willing and motivated, can sometimes work through this trauma together and salvage their marriage. What does your spouse or partner have to do to deserve a second chance?
Most importantly I think they must have a real commitment to their recovery.
I remember wondering what Hillary was thinking when she didn’t divorce Bill.
Those days when marriage was sacred and I could never envision myself ever forgiving infidelity or giving a Sex Addict a second chance.
I criticized her for not respecting Chelsea enough to leave that lying, cheating bastard.
How easy it was back then to be judgmental before I had walked in her shoes.
How quickly things change when cheating hits us square in the gut and we have to make those tough decisions ourselves. But, at least now I understand my friends and family who can’t fathom why I am still with Larry and sometimes are just as judgmental as I used to be.
Just as there are stages of grief, research has revealed that there are stages that partners and spouses of Sex Addicts go through when the addiction is discovered.
(I’ll do a post on that later) Along with the intense feelings of anger, shock, devastation, disbelief, disappointment and fear most partners and spouses also go through stages of nurturing and premature forgiveness.
This forgiveness is usually eroded as more details come to light and the reality of the situation sinks in.