Let’s imagine that a perfect stranger you’ve recently become ‘acquainted’ with, asks if they can meet you at 11pm at your place.
I smell bullshit and that kind of reasoning is actually even more of a reason as to why you shouldn’t meet, after all, if they’re so frickin’ busy, where is this going to go?
Also, it’s easy to claim that this isn’t an intention and then for them to go, While some people will tell you straight up what they’re truly intending in these situations, most won’t because you’re likely to say no and/or they’re trying to preserve a certain image of themselves.
Odds are that a late night meeting isn’t for cookies, cocoa and a chat.
You’ll either know this through experience or just from awareness of your own boundaries. If they also ask to meet at your place, that’s just very odd.
It’s one thing to be naive out of genuine lack of experience (many of us have been there including me) but it’s another thing to claim naivety due to trying to convince yourself that it’s not what it is. Of course you could do the whole I’m Going To Be The Exception and This Could Be One Of Those Few Times When It Really Is A Chat thing but you could just as easily steer it to meeting at an earlier time. The sad thing is that if you’re a People Pleaser who feels bad about saying no even when you really want or need to, you will end up agreeing against your better judgement.
You’re trying to tell me that they have absolutely no daylight or early evening time in the next week or two? Whatever happened to Stranger Danger and being a bit street smart?
I’m not suggesting that we see a predator in everyone and imagine that we’re going to be chopped into little pieces and rolled up in a carpet, but if you are dating, you need to be stranger aware and you certainly shouldn’t allow, (1) your ego, (2) your libido, (3) excessive politeness (read: people-pleasing), (4) any dodgy assumptions, and (5) the most insidious and annoying – other people’s opinions and projections – to run the show.
Worrying too much about the asker’s take on things or giving too much credence to the opinions and projections of family and friends just messes with your gut.
If they’re OK with doing what you’re not, that doesn’t invalidate your choice.